There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
