he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
