now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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