well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
