If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
