I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
