If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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