I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
