Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
is that a dick in a sweater?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize