would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
