When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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