he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
