Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
BRING THE BAGELS
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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