i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
