I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
