Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
