shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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