i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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