It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
