With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
