I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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