Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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