oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
