I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
