Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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