Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
