the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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