went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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