How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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