fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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