I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
