homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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