Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
