Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
