What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
