First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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