My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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