youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
