Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize