Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need a beard to bite.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
