Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
