According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
