tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
