Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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