I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
