I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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