I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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