Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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