I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
