The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
