I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize