I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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