Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
