You smell like a Billy Joel song
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
