If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
