I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
