how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
