Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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