so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
