I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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