I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
