my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
