if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's blow job season.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How naked do you want me to be?
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