Where is the hickey?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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