'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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