He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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