Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
