I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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