There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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