i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
