also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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