just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
