make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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