Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
