omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
