And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize