sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
