I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
