see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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