I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize