If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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