the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize