Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
