the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
