I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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