ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
