well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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