Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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