I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
