Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
