So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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