i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
