Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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