I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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