margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
