Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
