Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize